Don't leave the success of your marriage to fate; read Susan Quilliam's wise words on getting the balance right once and for all?

However happy you are before the ceremony, there's something about getting married that can rock the boat. Most couples wobble on honeymoon. Many find that once back home, things aren't going as well as they did before the ceremony. A staggering 50% of those who marry in 2002 will divorce within ten years and some relationships break down even after decades of married life.

So whether you're a blushing bride or forty years down the road, how can you make your marriage work? The answer is to look at secrets to your relationship.

Secret 1: Successful Married Couples get their deal straight

Marriage is different from living together. It's not necessarily better, but it's different. Both of you will have different expectations of a 'spouse' than of a 'partner' - often basing those expectations on what you saw of your parents' married life. For example, you may have been happy for your man to live the student life before the wedding, but afterwards, you expect him to draw a regular salary.

Secret 2: Successful Married Couples keep their individuality

However independent you were before, marriage has a habit of sucking you in to being a couple.

Successful couples know that, however much love there is, marriage can bring this trapped feeling. They encourage each other not to be always 'us', to take 'me' time, to have 'me' hobbies and even 'me' friends. This way, each partner brings individuality in to the marriage, keeping it fresh and alive.

Secret 3: Successful Married Couples keep each other centre stage

It's tempting, once married, to forget the little courtesies. When you were going out - and still trying - you remembered the little things, such as serving each other first, and remembered the big things like respectfully listening to each other.

Successful couples always keep each other centre stage. They are interested in their partner's opinions. They take their partner seriously. They refer to their spouse in glowing terms when talking to other people. In short, they never take each other for granted and remember how lucky they are to be married.

Secret 4: Successful Married Couples learn to resolve conflicts

Successful couples keep communicating, whatever the bad feeling between them. They negotiate differences and disagreements so that they both end up getting a fair deal. They smile and support each other rather than nag and whinge. They accept that sometimes, loving is more important than winning.

Secret 5: Successful Married Couples keep the lust alive

Successful couples know that to keep lust alive, you need to actively prioritise lovemaking and make time and taking space for it. You need to make sure you're constantly updating your knowledge of each other's sexual needs, finding new ways to please each other.

Successful couples stay affectionate. If there's a sexual drought, they ride it out by flirting, touching, hugging, kissing and being romantic.

Secret 6: Successful Married Couples grow with each other

Successful couples know that one or both partners will shift in personality at these times. It can feel as if the rules have changed; what it means is that you need to change in order to keep up with the changing relationship.

Successful couples anticipate shifts and ride with them. Rather than demanding they both stay the same forever, they welcome the natural developments of personality and partnership that happen with time.

Secret 7: Successful Married Couples keep working at it

The fact that you're married can make you rest on your laurels - as the years pass, you may feel that nothing can harm your bond.

But beware! Time and a false sense of security can erode even the strongest love. So successful couples take rain checks and keep having regular 'where are we at' conversations to make sure that they're both happy with the way things are going.